“Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year:  The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again.”

~Menachem Mendel Schneerson

One.  So hard to believe.  My sweet Addison is one today.  Everyone tells you how fast time flies, but it is hard to really feel what they are talking about until you experience it yourself.   I have a mixture of emotions today.  I am sad that my baby is growing up, I am happy for her smiling little face, I feel content that we made it through that first, wonderful year that is also filled with challenges–a year of many sleepless nights trying to help her figure out a sleep schedule, countless hours of nursing, teething and getting used to having two very young children.  See, though, it is hard to call these “challenges”, because as I write this I just see the amazing blessing.  All those nights spent up with Addison in the wee hours of the night nursing her each time she awoke were precious, quiet moments that I got to spend with her and only her.  Moments that I already long for and miss.  I *almost* want to wake her up some nights just to rock her.  Notice I say almost.  Sleep can happen when I’m old.  Right now I have my beautiful children.  My mind travels back to laboring with her and wanting so badly to bring her into the world with peace and love and calmness and being present.  Realizing as she lie next to me in the still of the night with her big, wide eyes staring back at me and not making a sound, that THIS is how it is supposed to be.  THESE are the amazing first moments of having a baby.  Not being drugged up, not tears and sadness, not fear and worry, not wires and ventilators or not holding your baby for ten days.  Addison, you healed me.  I saw that those first days can be relaxing and exhilarating.  You make me so happy and I feel so incredibly blessed to have both you and your brother.  I love the relationship the two of you already have–you one and Jackson three.  Wow.  I have a one year old and a three year old.  How did that happen?!  The past three hundred and sixty five days have been nothing short of spectacular, my love.  Here’s to enjoying the joy of a million more.

all the love in the world,

mommy